Lilly Jay, a clinical psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health and child development, has opened up about the emotional journey following the end of her marriage to Broadway actor Ethan Slater. In a candid essay published on December 18 by The Cut, Jay shared her reflections on navigating life as a mother amid the public fallout from her marriage and the subsequent relationship between Slater and his Wicked co-star, Ariana Grande. While Jay did not mention Grande by name, the context was clear.
Coping with Motherhood and Divorce
Jay’s essay poignantly details her experience as a mother to her and Slater’s 2-year-old son. She offered a raw perspective on the emotional toll of balancing motherhood and the dissolution of her marriage. “Motherhood, I have learned, fills your time but not your mind,” Jay wrote, illustrating the mental isolation she experienced.
She continued, “In the countless hours I spend rocking my son to sleep, pushing his stroller, marveling at his sweaty little hands grasping a crayon, I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage. This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide.”
Jay’s reflections offer a deeply human perspective on the dual challenges of parenthood and personal grief, with her words resonating with many readers navigating similar journeys.
Life After Separation From Ethan Slater
Slater, 32, and Grande, 31, began their relationship following his separation from Jay earlier this year, which coincided with Grande’s own separation from her ex-husband, Dalton Gomez. Jay’s divorce from Slater was finalized in September, concluding a 12-year relationship that included nearly six years of marriage. The couple’s son was born in August 2022, adding another layer of complexity to the situation.
In her essay, Jay reflected on the disorientation of experiencing divorce so soon after childbirth. “No one gets married thinking they’ll get divorced, in the same way we don’t board a plane expecting to crash,” she wrote. “But I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity.”
Navigating Public Scrutiny After Seperation From Ethan Slater
As a mental health professional, Jay’s sudden shift from private practitioner to public figure was jarring. Her personal life became the subject of tabloid headlines, a reality she neither sought nor welcomed. “People from my past have reached out to say they saw my face in a tabloid,” Jay wrote, highlighting the unexpected reach of her story. In contrast, her patients, she noted, “have remained silent.”
At the Children’s Hospital where she works, Jay’s previous “invisibility” had served as a buffer against uncomfortable conversations with her patients. “While I still firmly believe in following my patients’ leads and not presuming to know what parts of my personhood resonate with them, the publicity I did not consent to increasingly feels like both a challenge and an opportunity,” she said.
Her reflections reveal a struggle to reconcile her professional role with her new, unchosen public identity. But she found a sense of empowerment in embracing her visibility. “If I’m discovered — as what, being vulnerable? — perhaps it could be a point of connection rather than a clinical liability,” she suggested.
Healing and Moving Forward
For Jay, the process of healing has been gradual. She described grappling with long-held fears about loss of control and postpartum depression, fears that she admitted “did end up happening.” Yet, she shared a message of resilience, stating, “I’m okay.”
Her perspective on growth and renewal is strikingly hopeful. “Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child,” Jay wrote, signaling her shift from mourning what was lost to embracing what is still possible.
Jay’s closing remarks are a reflection of her determination to find purpose in her pain. “If I can’t be invisible anymore, I may as well introduce myself,” she concluded. “You know how a sponge is most effective at absorbing liquid when it’s already a bit wet? Maybe we can think about my messy not-so-personal life in that way: a dose of my own loss, rage, powerlessness, sadness that helps me hold yours.”
