AR Rahman Once Revealed About Contemplating Suicide Till Age 25, Here’s The Personal Reason Behind It

While addressing students at the Oxford Union debating society in January 2024, A.R. Rahman revealed that he once struggled with suicidal thoughts during his younger years.

Reflecting on those difficult times, the composer credited his late mother, Kareema Begum, for providing him with the wisdom that helped him persevere.

According to a report, Rahman shared, “When I had suicidal thoughts, my mother would say, ‘When you live for others, you won’t get these thoughts.’ That advice was truly beautiful and has stayed with me.”

AR Rahman On Contemplating Suicide Till Age 25

Before becoming a globally celebrated composer, A.R. Rahman experienced a period of profound self-doubt and emotional turmoil. Reflecting on his early struggles, Rahman revealed that, until the age of 25, he grappled with thoughts of suicide almost daily.

The loss of his father at a young age left a deep void in his life, contributing to feelings of inadequacy. “Most of us feel we’re not good enough. Losing my father created a gap… so many things were happening,” Rahman shared.

Despite the challenges, this phase taught him resilience and courage. He added, “Death is inevitable for everyone. Everything has an expiry date, so why fear anything?”

The Turning Point

The composer’s life began to change when he constructed his recording studio, Panchathan Record Inn, in the backyard of his home in Chennai. This milestone marked the start of a more focused and purposeful chapter in his career.

“Before that, life felt dormant. Perhaps those feelings [of despair] came from the circumstances surrounding my father’s death and his work. At the time, I wasn’t taking on many projects. Out of 35 movie offers, I worked on only two. People questioned how I would survive, saying, ‘You have everything, just take the opportunities!’ But I couldn’t do that. It felt overwhelming, like eating too much and becoming numb. I realized it’s better to take smaller, meaningful steps,” Rahman explained.

The struggles of his early career ultimately shaped Rahman into the fearless and thoughtful artist he is today. By navigating challenges with care and persistence, he developed a philosophy of making every effort count, no matter how small. These experiences laid the foundation for his future success as a composer and musician.

AR Rahman On How He Battled Suicidal Thoughts

Rahman elaborated on how his mother’s words inspired his approach to life, particularly during challenging times. “When you live for others and stop being selfish, your life gains meaning,” he said.

Whether through creating music, helping someone in need, or offering kindness to others, Rahman explained that these acts give him purpose.

He also emphasized hope, stating, “We have limited knowledge about the future. There could be something extraordinary waiting for you. This hope and belief are what keep me going, even when I feel stuck in a repetitive cycle.”

AR Rahman’s Views on Spirituality

Responding to why he doesn’t speak about spirituality often, Rahman reflected on the transient nature of life. “We all experience dark times. But one thing is certain—it’s a brief journey. We’re born, and one day we’ll leave this world. This isn’t a permanent place for us. Where we go next depends on personal beliefs and imagination,” he said.